With all of the Covid 19 deaths, deaths from mass shootings and the suicide rate being the
highest rate recorded in more than 30 years, grief is at an all time high. Grieving is a normal
response to any kind of loss not just death. We know others should acknowledge grief in
certain situations, such as the death of a family member or friend. We are usually offered
support and can attend funerals and other rituals to help with the healing process. There
are other areas of grief that should be acknowledged that people sometimes overlook such
as divorce, the loss of a job, change in health of you or a family member, sexual difficulties,
change in financial status, imprisonment, personal injury, and many more! There aren’t
mainstream rituals that help us with the healing process. In some situations people would
even laugh at the fact that you are grieving over them, such as the loss of a pet, trouble with
in laws, trouble with a boss, loss of approval, moving to a new home makes grieving these
situations even harder.
Can you imagine how hard this is for someone in the industry, someone that is expected to
entertain us no matter what they have going on in their lives. Its almost as if we expect
them to keep entertaining us no matter what they have going on in their lives. We don’t
expect them to “act out”. When we cannot share our grief with others or our loss is not
acknowledged or validated by others, our grief can be felt more intensely. This is often
referred to as disenfranchised grief . Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not openly
acknowledged or socially accepted or publicly mourned. When this happens it can leave the
bereaved person feeling alone, isolated, unsupported or unable to share their experience. It
can also prolong the emotional pain. In some cases it makes them “Act Out” then they are
treated even worst. Society doesn’t approve of the odd behaviors they in fact crucify people
online and in person for their behavior which makes it worst for the griever.
Not only do entertainers experience not being able to grieve effectively, but also there are
many that are close to you who are grieving ineffectively and suffering in private.
When trying to be supportive of someone close to you, you may not want to address the
situation that they are grieving about to avoid an uncomfortable response. Don’t let fears
about saying or doing the wrong thing stop you from reaching out. Let your loved ones
know that you are there to listen, be willing to sit in silence. Understand that everyone
grieves differently and for different lengths of time and their needs may differ from
someone else who has experienced the same situation. Offer to help in practical ways like
getting groceries, looking after their pet, or driving them around. Maintain your support
after the grieving event has occurred, don’t make assumptions based on outward
appearances the grieving person may look fine on the outside, while they are suffering
inside. Keep in mind there is no right or wrong way for one to grieve. Grief may involve
extreme emotions and behaviors. There is no set timetable for grieving. While you should
never force someone to open up its important to Allow one to talk about their situation
without judgment. Always ask them how they feel then accept their feelings.
For the love of all things that are important PLEASE Don’t be so quick to fix the situation by
offering advice and clichés such as time heals all, you will find another , at least you were
able to have kids its all part of God’s plan etc. Avoid saying things link “ You are so strong” it
puts pressure on the person to keep up appearance and to hide their true feelings.
In my life I have experienced disenfranchised grief while trying to get through the murder
of my son, the murder of my sister and many other tragedies my motto is #itsok2live !
My initiative is to help others who have experience grief to live through music and
motivation and not just be alive while grieving but also still be able to do things that you
love.
Please see more about my initiative at Itsok2live.com!
DJ Ms. Tan
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